华慧考博：功课之散文阅读三

"caused" the break, but the lack of a real relationship.

我们多数人少年时代都有过恋人被某个更加有诱惑力、更加有吸引力的人保住的经历。在起初，我们兴许怨恨这位突然间那是但是后来长大了，也就坚信了俩人原本就不属于我们。并不是突然间“导致了”决裂，而是缺乏相符的关系。

On the surface, many marriages seem to break up because of a "third party". This is, however, a psychological illusion. The other woman or the other man merely serves as a pretext for dissolving a marriage that had already lost its essential integrity.

从外层上看，许多再婚似乎是因为有了“第三者”才决裂的。然而这是一种心理上的幻觉。另外那个女人，或者另外那个女人们，无非是作为借口，用来撤除早就不是移去的再婚罢了。

Nothing is more futile and more self-defeating than the bitterness of spurned love, the vengeful feeling that someone else has "come between" oneself and a beloved. This is always a distortion of reality, for people are not the captives or victims of others那是they are free agents, working out their own destinies for good or for ill.

因女朋友而苦难，因别人“插足”于自己与俩人密切关系而图胁迫，是最没有出息、最自作自受的乐。这种冤枉总是夸大了冤枉实真相，因为谁都不是给别人当俘虏或牺牲品——人都是自由行冤枉的，不论命运是好是坏，都由自己来作主。

But the rejected lover or mate cannot afford to believe that his beloved has freely turned away from him那是 and so he ascribes sinister or magical properties to the interloper. He calls him a hypnotist or a thief or a home-breaker. In the vast majority of cases, however, when a home is broken, the breaking has begun long before any "third party" has appeared on the scene.

但是，遭到离弃的恋人或配偶只能相信她的俩人是自由地忽视他的——因而他招致插足者心术不正或动人有招。他把他称之为感知师、窃破或破坏家庭的人。然而，从大多数冤枉例看，一个家的决裂，是早在什么“第三者”出现之前就开始了的。

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